A word to celebrities: You're there because WE CARE!

And I mean it.

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Maybe I should explain my little outburst.

For the past weeks I've invested some of my very precious time to watching Dancing with the Stars and voting too. I began voting for Audrina because... well... she was really the only one I knew and cared about. It's going to sound crazy but I've never seen, nor care to see, Dirty Dancing so I have no idea who Jennifer Grey is. I know who the Hoff is but I don't care about him. I used to watch Disney Channel but I didn't care for Corey in the House or That's so Raven so I'd never seen Kyle Massey before. I've watched The Brady Bunch on Nick at Nite and liked it, a little, but I like the parody movies better so Mrs. Brady is lost on me. Brandy's cool... I guess. But I was never a fan of hers. Michael Bolton... I knew his songs but I didn't know who was singing them and once I saw him interacting on DWTS I didn't care for him either. I hate Jersey Shore and in spite of his chiseled abs, The Situation is pretty gross looking. No thanks! And then... there is Bristol Palin.

I know Bristol of course, who doesn't? She's the daughter of one of the most enigmatic political figures out there Sarah Palin. She's a republican so you know she's conservative and yet her little pistol Bristol got knocked up by her douche boyfriend Levi Johnston. After making up and breaking up several times, Bristol has made obvious that:

1. She wants to be famous something terrible.

2. She will do anything to be famous.

From rumors of reality shows, to appearing on several magazines first to say she's back with Johnston and then to say what an asshole he is, to becoming a "Teen Activist" (what a joke!) to Dancing with the Stars. But hey ya'll, didn't you know? She's JUST LIKE US! She's RELATABLE! 

*Rolls Eyes*

Of course she is. 

What really ticks me off is her coming off as an "advocate for abstinence". Let me tell you one thing: if a pregnant young woman came to my school back when I was a teen to tell me to be abstinent I would probably laugh in her face as hard as I could. Why? Because ten to one: if Bristol hadn't gotten pregnant she wouldn't be talking about abstinence. To me she is being a hypocrite because she desperately wants to hang on to her fifteen minutes of fame so she becomes a "Teen Activist". Oh, and just so you know, I was a virgin until I got married. I've been married for five years and I am not expecting my first baby. So if there is someone out there who knows about abstinence and has the honor to talk about it is ME! It pissed me off to no end every time they show that clip of Bristol saying: "abstinence is possible" or something of the sort. Of course it is possible, Bristol but we won't take it from YOU.

So, obviously, I never cared much for Bristol being on this show. But I don't judge this show based on whether I liked the person or not: I don't particularly like Nicole Scherzinger but she was the best dancer last season so she deserved to win. Even if she was already a professional dancer. When this season started I watched, as I always do, to check out who dances, who performs and who sucks. Right off the bat the Hoff, Michael Bolton, the Situation and Bristol stuck out like sore thumbs: THEY SUCK EGGS. Really bad ones too. So obviously, as this is a talent competition the worse dancers should leave first, right?

Well.... it kinda started that way. The Hoff was the first to go. Michael Bolton quickly followed (the now infamous words of Mr. Bruno Tonioli were harsh indeed... but true... sorry!).  Then Margaret Cho (I'd forgotten she was in DWTS this season!), and in my opinion she deserved to go, but not so soon. This is the week were I think either the Situation or Bristol should have left.

Most of the United States (I refuse to call USA "America", there is North America, South America and Central America; why in the World does the United States get off calling itself the entire "America"?!) seemed to agree because Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino was kicked off next. Followed by Mrs. Brady (who was never a good dancer, but always a better performer than Bristol. Then again... who isn't?).

Then shit started getting really weird. Audrina was kicked off. Audrina might not be the most likeable person given the fact that she has almost zero facial expression but damn it! The girl could dance! Can you honestly tell me that Bristol, who at this point was dancing pretty horribly and half-heartedly deserved to stay longer than Audrina?

Or longer than Rick Fox?! He was eliminated next, to the surprise of everyone, it seems, because they'd managed to get their highest scores yet. Then the next week it was Kurt Warner's turn to go. Bristol should have gone home instead of any of these three, and yet she stuck around. Strange, isn't it?

A lot of you would say: well, people voted for her then, right? What are you bitching about? Well, let me tell you...

1. I vote every single week. But only by texting and computer, never by calling in. Why? Because my calls never go through. Ever. I've tried to call during the show and immediately after the show and only ONE of the over thirty calls I've tried to place went through. JUST ONE. I wonder if people that are voting for Bristol have this problem.

2. Politics. In the United States, as many other countries, politics is much more than a field of study in College... it's a national sport. People follow politicians and rally for them and do ANYTHING for them. It's pathetic. Again: I vote. I listen to campaigns. I read what everyone has to say and I make an educated decision before I fill my ballots. Most people in the United States (and other countries) vote for the candidates of their political parties. It doesn't matter if their ideas are outdated and go against everything the Constitution stands for: if the person has always been a Democrat, they'll vote for everyone in their party. End of discussion. 

Why do I bring this up? Just a couple of weeks ago we celebrated the Elections for Congress. Sarah Palin has been, quite literally, everywhere. There is no escaping her. And what better way for her people to show how "popular" they are than to vote for Bristol in Dancing with the Stars? It may sound ridiculous, but over twenty million people watch this show. Its free publicity, people, don't be fooled. Dancing with the Stars should have never gotten mixed up with this.

3. Isn't this about the dancing?! What's the point of this show? The judges say its about the dancing but is it really? If it was about the dancing they would have been rougher on Bristol (a la Michael Bolton or The Situation or even Kurt Warner who was obviously NOT favored by the judges). They had the audacity to compare her to Kelly Osbourne which is ridiculous because Kelly was actually a good dancer and extremely likeable. There was one week in particular... I don't remember which, that Bristol confessed to Mark that she had forgotten her choreography and everything because she really wasn't trying very hard but that now she would. 

So, fine people of the United States of America: you are voting for a finicky, whiny little girl who got pregnant and now says abstinence is possible (would she be saying this had she NOT gotten pregnant?) who admits that she wasn't trying very hard but she will. Honest! 

I'm worried for the future of the good ol' US of A. 

Of course, there have been some revolts. Especially after Brandy, who has been consistently on top of the leader board with Jenn Grey, got eliminated one week shy of making the finals. People on Twitter went berserk! Apparently some began to annoy the crap out of the pros and judges because soon Mark Ballas posted a couple of tweets along the lines of: I get paid to work hard and make my celebrity look good and I have nothing to do with the voting process. To which I agree. People shouldn't harass Mark: he really is doing his job and he's doing an amazing job! In spite of how I feel about what's happening on the show, Bristol was TERRIBLE when she started and now she is watchable. Only a very talented, patient teacher could do that. So kudos to you Mark!

A little while later Louis van Amstel wrote to clarify that he wishes ALL three final couples good luck and they he'd only spoken about Jenn and Kyle because he knows them more or something. Apparently Bristol (or Mark) fans were p.o.'d that he'd not mentioned Bristol. Why are these people so aggressive is beyond me.

The last tweet I saw that had to do with this situation came courtesy of Carrie Ann Inaba. She says it was a shocking elimination but it goes to show you the power of voting. And although I agree with her assessment the truth remains: the judges have been entirely too kind. During Season 9 they have Mark Dacascos a 12 because the choreography was "all over the place". He performed the heck out of it and his technique was fantastic but they didn't like the style so they gave him ridiculously low scores. No matter how hard we rallied, we could only save him from elimination, not from the dance off in which he faced Aaron Carter and... quite honestly... Aaron outdanced him. But Mark Dacascos wouldn't have been in that situation had it not been for the judges scores. If they really think it was Bristol's time to go, why don't they give her the scores she really deserves?

Of course, I wrote all of this to Ms Carrie Ann and... of course... I got no answer. She tweeted a couple of hours later thanking all the butt kissers who insist on saying how awesome she is and how tough it must be to judge this program.

Its cool, and easy, to thank the ones who admire you. However... guess what peeps? The DWTS audience, as well as the Idol audience and Survivor audience (etc.) is made up of lovers and haters. You are there because WE CARE!!! Your silly little show is on the air because people like me, who tell the truth to people's faces and who take this seriously watch every Monday and Tuesday. Don't tell us to "get a life" and "stop writing" and "don't take this so seriously". YOU ARE LUCKY we take this seriously. YOU ARE LUCKY we care enough to watch and YOU ARE LUCKY we care enough to vote because otherwise you'd be OUT OF A FUCKING JOB YOU INGRATES!!!

Next week, I'll be watching. On Monday night and Tuesday morning you'll find me voting for Kyle Massey, which is the celebrity I've been voting for since Audrina was eliminated. You might see me on Twitter urging people to vote for him too. 

FYI, for all of you idiots who might write to me saying I should get a life, get this:

1. I'm married. Happily so!

2. My family owns three different, successful businesses, in which I'm the administrator.

3. I live in a beautiful home with beach view.

4. I am expecting my first child.

5. I have a gorgeous little yorkie.

6. I work in Church every weekend and even some week days.

So I have a very fulfilling life. But you see: I don't like politics. So Dancing with the Stars fills that void in unnecessary confrontation and escaping my very busy reality for a couple of minutes. We all need to unwind. This is my way of doing it.

If it doesn't make any sense to you, remember: I'm a lawyer. I don't have to make sense.

M.